Wednesday, 5 January 2011

WWFW - Love Life

Much as I enjoy a trashathon, Courtney my Love, I am glad you called, albeit in my fantasy, because you need me as your stylist (though I am a little afraid that you might out-mad me should we ever meet).  Butter would melt, you are no Chanel girl so I won't force you into pearls and boucle jackets.  What was Amanda thinking?  Here are some of my ideas:

Animal Love: I will change this leopard's spots. 
Courtney, type Eastenders and Pat Butcher into google and see why this ain't working for you. Too heavy on the shoulders, too bulky on top and while I do occasionally condone matching shoe 'n' bag, I am afraid that you can't tame animal print mixing.  And, honey, maybe you need glasses because your eyes, like mine, are partially blinded from seeing to many pretty things in shiny shop windows, but my suspicion is that you wanted to look clever for a book signing.  If there were corrective lenses in that face furniture, you wouldn't have left the house looking like this.  Lose the specs and give Dolly parton her hair back.
FdB:  You have a nice chest, if you don't mind me saying.  Not too boney, not too boobie.  I'm not in the habit of sluttifying my clients, but in your case, the more flesh on top the better, though no full exposure please
thank you.  And, you've got AMAZING legs, so you might as well get those out too.  A tidy blazer and fierce platforms stop this minidress short from WAG(ging it's tail)
Blazer, £350, Vanessa Bruno (
Dress, £565,  Camilla & Marc (
Platform, £360, Camilla Skovgaard (
Necklace, £, Marni (
Ring, £1,095, Ileana Makri (
Bag, £290 (originally £480), Kotur (
Overkill: Again
I thought the saying went: 'Once bitten, twice shy'?  Look what the cat dragged in, before that woman put it in the bin, which coincidentally, is where this garb belongs.  Complete coat, dress and footwear sets are only allowed once you start tucking your thermal vest into your flag knickers and your baggy-at-the-knees fleshy meshy tights are accentuated by some clumpy nun shoesI am certain that Miucca Prada could transform both of my non-stereotype old biddy characteristics into haute couture, but the heady days of Frank Usher drew to a close years ago. Plus, these muted tones are mutt.
FdB:  Scramble it like an egg on a Sunday morning.  Or shake it like a polaroid picture.  Break out of your beige prison by adding a bright colour to a modest palette.  The baggy t, deluxe necklace, ladylike bag and elegant wedges keep it frisky
Snake print wedges, £640, Lanvin (
The Sharp trouser, £155, Current/Elliot (
Cotton & modal blend top, £71, Splendid (
Clou Diamants necklace, 1,845, Lanvin (
Paraty bag, £1,410, Chloe (
Tranny: Travesty Velour is not for you and that colour belongs in a Laura Ashley infested wardrobe.  Or on a flower fairy.  I am not sure how you still managed to make it look butch kid... It's not an arrestable offence, but still needs a serious caution.  Remember that Vivienne Westwood is your friend.  You could be the Tracey Emin of the music world.  Maybe you should meet?  Trace meet Courtney.  Courtney meet Trace.  You could hold on to one another as you stumble out of a cab with your knickers on display.  Or one of you could end up as a patchwork quilt
FdB: This is smarter, higher, faster, rascaler. The Albert Einstein hair and harlot lips can stay
Monday cotton top, £140, Vivienne Westwood Anglomania (
Silk & wool blend trousers, £495, Burberry Prorsum (
Volnay 140 platforms, £1,035, Christian Louboutin (
Rose gold-plated labradorite necklace, £480, Eddie Borgo (
Diego Bag, £750, Alexander Wang (
Red Sinner lipstick, $18, Lipstick Queen (

To be continued, inc pics of Courtney looking exceedingly good ...

1 comment:

rush essays said...

WOW. I'm really loving the items here on this post. But, the prices are kinda high for me. Thanks for sharing anyway.