Tuesday, 22 February 2011

WWFW - Still Love... Actually

No matter how often you pig out on Ladurée macarons or quaff champagne cocktails at La Meurice, you will never be French.  Leave the madame to V and serve up filette Américain instead (nod to my Belgian cull-inary roots). A leather mini and a ruffled blouse are at opposite ends of the spectrum, but Stella’s gamine blazer is the perfect go between.  Next, I herewith banish your, nay, ALL ballerina flats to Hades, where they can rot on the pongy feet of Amy Wino and lacklustre Primark shoppers.  They are just too... well, flat.  Balenciaga’s Golden Gate shade of heels will cure you of homesickness wherever you are.  Finally a touch of turquoise makes it native rather than tourist.  Et Voila!

Image: stylenews.peoplestylewatch.com
Blazer, POA, Stella McCartney
18 carat turquoise banle, £3,260, Halleh at www.netaporter.com
Silk-crepe ruffle blouse, £690, Chloe at www.netaporter.com
Woven leather clutch, £725, Bottega Veneta
Wrap-front leather skirt, £485, A.L.C. at www.netaporter.com
Serpent belt, £470, Kara Ross at www.harveynichols.com
Rust heels, £465, Balenciaga at www.brownsfashion.com

Better burn that dress sister.  As for the footless tights, they only look all that with a moo moo.  I want you to cause controversy, but not for dressing like a travesty.  Gobsmack all your critics with Aunt Viv’s deceptive frock.   Putting Clo in a romantic floral dress may appear as the work of a lunatic, but the razor sharp cut on this thing will tightly harness your chest puppies like pure breed huskies in front of a sled.  Tickle your Rococco fancy in YSL’s pumps and ice off with some artillery inspired jewellery.  Lastly, pink eye shadow might look kooky on an aspiring teenage whore, but on you it's a ne-fait-pas faux-pas.

Image: fashion.mirror.co.uk
Safari gold-plated carnelian drop earrings, £245, Erickson Beamon at www.netaporter.com
Dress, POA, Vivienne Westwood
Gold plated Morning Star necklace, £55, Dogeared at www.asos.com
Rajah Crown ring, £248, Mawi
Embellished satin clutch bag, £455, Lanvin at www.matchesfashion.com
Tribtoo suede pumps, £565, YSL at www.netaporter.com

This look is trite and not at all right.  If you want to get literal, read Dostoevsky.  Though there is nothing wrong with impersonating a Park Lane pastel princess per se, I expect something punchier (not to the level of assault mind) from my fave San Fran freak (there’s a lot of them so that is really saying something).  Your experiments of the cloth leave me cold, but I still consider you to be shit hot, hence I want to show you how to mash up your look Burroughs stylee by consulting the entire perdioc table and then brewing a knock-out concoction.  The demure hillbilly is your heritage.

Image: zaz pics
Romance lace strapless dress, £875, Paul & Joe at www.netaporter.com
Red patent clutch, POA, Yves Saint Laurent
Taurus lacquered sterling silver ring, £1,250, Solange Azagury Patrridge at www.netaporter.com
9-karat gold diamond and sapphire horseshoe ring, £850, Annina Vogel
Shoe boots w Kiltie, £425 (from £710) at www.brownsfashion.com
Deco Noir necklaces, POA, Mawi

WTF.  Way to spoil a perfectly pleasant dress.  If a bovine wore tights, these would be them.  And your shoes are rather an irregular choice.  Admittedly, being an A-lister affords you certain allowances, like fetching milk in your skimpiest, but investing so much and getting so little return is a poignant reminder of these though Tory times.  Under my wing, you will never look so bad again, but you must promise to give Maggie the middle finger the next time she offers you her empty coffer of a handbag.  Here’s the FDB take

Image: hollywooddame.com
Dress, POA, Julien MacDonald
Scrabble pieces necklace, £10, Asos
Safetypin necklace, £85, Giles & Brother at www.brownsfashion.com
Dillan Hangar Cowboy boots, £245, Lama Peach at www.brownsfashion.com
Mini Pop leopard bag, Lanvin
Leather wrap bracelet, £110, Giles & Brother at www.brownsfashion.com
Stripe top, similar at asos.com
Blue sapphire mini star ring, £250, Zoe & Morgan

Apologies.  A few of the above credits are just a distant memory after Blogger once again deleted this entire post, hence my silent protest these past weeks

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