Sunday, 26 May 2013

SNIPPETS - eastham, and no i am never talking football

the eastham ferry hotel came into its grandiose being in 1846.  alas, it has seriously diminished in splendour after a series of unsympathetic rereinventions, swapping awe inspiring awnings for brazen beer branded parasols and paltry manipulaping (works on apes only) posters lynched to generic fixture, treating the target twat to all-you-can-eat-cattle for £3.95.  you'd need a pretty strong stomach to eat in the decor as the clash of the titian red carpet against the severe past-their-sell-before-date floral settees could tip you over the hedge.  if only hrh the pow wow wow had brought his ten principles of good architecture down from the mountain in time, this modern maison malaise setting in, especially as the place 'enjoys' unrivaled views across the mersey.  the visitor, in contrast, enjoys unparellelled  views across a tarmacked forecourt complete with a five deep middle-of-the-road car sandwich and a slap dash put it down in a cheap flash tarmacked river of road. just in case you still decide to risk it, the hotel's website also promises 'lively entertainment', which roughly translates as sky sports channel, croaky karaoky and brawl galore.  yep, humans excel at kicking the shit out of aesthetics, integrity, grace and each other

needless to say us waifs gave the ferry hotel a wide berth and dived straight into the unkempt woods instead.  the meticulously manicured lawns and landscaped 'pleasure gardens' are but echoes of the victorian mind.  gone are the zoo, open air theatre, water chute, boating lake and bandstand.  there is no chevalier blondin tiptoeing a tight rope overhead.  there are, however, ghosts of this past time; moss enriched walls, creepy caverns and sleepy hollow trees.  luckily, the locals haven't bothered much with this neck of the woods, apart from adding several tonnes of dog crap. thankfully there was no surreptitious pleasuring to be found during our visit, just 170 years of care free leaf falling bringing a brief respite to those that seek it

as long as you can ignore a jumbo jet a minute flying overhead...



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